It can be hard being a single mom sometimes. The challenges you face emotionally and financially can be really tough and sometimes disheartening. I am so so SO lucky to have a very involved father for Delilah's life, which definitely makes things a lot easier, but there are challenges nonetheless.
One of the "troubles" is the daunting love life. I am in no rush right now to settle down; getting married again strikes fear in my heart. Not because my last experience was horrible or anything, but committing to another human being has me feeling vulnerable, which is not the best of feelings at the moment. Being single and "dating" is terrifying, at least for now. It feels so complicated! First of all, how do I even meet people? I work, I take care of my kid, and I try to run and exercise. I don't really have room in my life to meet new folks. Which is fine for now; I'm doing a lot of self-work which is very much needed. Second, I can't even afford to be going out and about like that. Being single in NYC is just a life of being super extra broke. Since I'm already broke, I don't really have any room to move further down on the financial scale.
But those aren't even my main concerns. I always worry about bringing someone new into Delilah's life. How will she react to them? Will they like her? If they don't, they're getting a big ol' kick out the door! What if that person wants children? Do I even want another child? How will having a half sibling affect Delilah? How do I make time for both of them? What if my partner wants to move out of New York? I'M NOT LEAVING MY DAUGHTER BEHIND!!!!!
Yeah, it's a little coo coo crazy feeling sometimes, but that's what runs through my head. Obviously, my life could be a lot worse. I continuously feel blessed every time I look at my daughter. She is so smart, so loving, so kind, and so frikkin hilarious I can't even handle it. I can't even say she is like her father or myself, because she is just her own animal. Watching her grow up has been incredibly life changing. The type of change that if it means I have to be "alone" forever to continue to watch the change and growth in my daughter continue, then so be it. That doesn't make it any easier for sure, but it definitely makes being single worth it.
