Be forewarned, some people have no filters on their brains. For some odd reason their brain thinks of some obnoxious thing to say and there is no little warrior blocking the passageway from the brain to the mouth and it just gets blurted out; inevitably hurting someone's feelings or really pissing them off. This couldn't be more true while you're pregnant.
After you start breaking the news that you're knocked up, everyone and their long lost cousin, six times removed, will have something to say. Now, sometimes it totally works in your favor. There are some lovely angels who have wonderful words of wisdom and advice. Hold on to those angels for dear life because they'll be the ones who bring you down a couple of notches when your inner banshee starts to come out. So far, for me, I have an amazing group of people including my mom, my boss, one of my best friends, my two sister in laws, and of course my kick ass husband, serving as my rocks holding down the sails of craziness so I don't go postal.
Unfortunately, even they can't prevent every little piece of douchebaggery that might fly my way. For example, after spending a weekend laying on the couch because my nausea was so intense it left me immobile, I heard "Lex, do you think that maybe the nausea is just all in your head?" Now, my first reaction was one of pure hatred and violence. I could have gone into a crazy rampage of "You don't know what it's like! You have no idea of what's going on in my body! It's different for everyone! Why don't you jump off a bridge, land on a pile of HIV infected needles, and rot!" I was angry. But instead I just said "No, it's not. Thanks for asking." And walked away.
Wasn't exactly the best way to deal with it. I so badly want to be the type of woman that no matter what stupid things come my way, I can calmly (and almost happily) diffuse them and move on. I would have much preferred to sit this person down and give them a little education of what actually happens during a women's first trimester, and before a single "but that didn't happen to my sister/mother/baby momma" can slip out, inform them of all the stats that explain the various experiences pregnant women can go through. It truly is different for every woman. I would have also liked to encourage this person to ask questions about the experience rather than passing judgment because they don't understand something. Alas, I did not of those things because I just wanted to throw a refrigerator at their head.
With that said, we're not perfect. Sometimes people say stupid things. Sometimes people have stupid reactions to the things that people say to them. Sometimes people overreact (cough cough, me, cough) and that's just life. But as a pregnant woman who is feeling very protective of her own emotions, her loved ones, and the child growing inside of her, its feels like a completely different experience to feel like you're being threatened, even on the most minimal level. Just remember, you have something so wonderful growing inside of you that will put whatever those people have to say to shame. Your child will love you no matter how crazy you are. And if they ever say something you don't like, you can just ground them for life. Ain't life grand. :-)
Monday, August 29, 2011
Friday, August 26, 2011
Building a Preggo-master Library
Now, when a woman finds out she's pregnant, she is inevitably going to dive into countless books, websites, blogs, and forums that have to deal with pregnancy, giving birth, raising a child, etc. Which is totally normal and super helpful. The only problem is, a lot of women take everything they read, word for word, to heart. I see so many women putting themselves into a panic because they are 6 weeks pregnant and their book said they should be experiencing nausea, and when they don't, they make themselves feel that they are probably having a miscarriage or their baby is deformed. They go to countless visits to the doctor to keep getting checked out which puts them in a constant state of worry, which is not so great for their unborn child.
This is why I usually read real life accounts of pregnancy rather than those "step by step" pregnancy guides. Don't get me wrong, those are helpful too. They help me learn about the scientific side of the pregnancy and what's going on inside my body. My favorite so far is The BabyCenter Essential Guide to Pregnancy and Birth.
It's really helpful in letting you know what's happening with your baby's growth and your body. But in all reality, these types of books don't prepare me (and probably nothing will) for all the freaky shit that is going to happen to my body, brain, relationships, and my life in general. Do your research ladies, but be prepared for anything to happen. That's why I really liked Jenny McCarthy's book, Belly Laughs.
It is a short and hilarious account of what it was like FOR HER to be pregnant. It is actually one of the reasons that inspired me to write this blog. She doesn't talk about how magical it was or how happy she was. She gets down to the real nitty gritty of what being pregnant was like. Even as a celebrity, she still gained 60 lbs., got hemorrhoids, pooped on herself during pregnancy, and was completely tortured by her hormones. THAT'S what I want to read about. I know I can't prepare for every little thing during pregnancy. But at least I can start putting into my mind that I literally have no control over my body right now. And I am slowly but surely making myself OK with that. Because if I keep reading something that tells me that my hcg levels (pregnancy hormones) should be at 7,000 and I'm at 6,999, I'm going to freak myself out and not enjoy the pregnancy.
Some woman might say this is pessimistic and the books really help them. If that's the case, then good for you! I'm really glad you found something to help you along your pregnancy. But let's be honest, being pregnant sucks. I wouldn't take it back for the world, and I am super happy to make "the sacrifice." But being pregnant is no walk in the park. At only 6 weeks I have already felt fatigue like I have never felt in my life, I am in a constant state of nausea to the point where I'm starting to think someone might have actually poisoned my food 3 weeks ago, and if I didn't know any better, my chest has been replaced with that of a cow. So instead of reading what my body "should" do, I would rather read about all the things that my body MIGHT do so I'm better prepared. It can be a terrifying read (I totally got nauseous during the part where Jenny McCarthy gave birth!) but I feel so much better prepared. If you keep yourself in la-la land thinking that pregnancy is going to be full of rainbows, ponies, and cute little elves, you're probably in for one biiiiiiiiig rude awakening! I just hope you have Belly Laughs by your side when that happens.
This is why I usually read real life accounts of pregnancy rather than those "step by step" pregnancy guides. Don't get me wrong, those are helpful too. They help me learn about the scientific side of the pregnancy and what's going on inside my body. My favorite so far is The BabyCenter Essential Guide to Pregnancy and Birth.
It's really helpful in letting you know what's happening with your baby's growth and your body. But in all reality, these types of books don't prepare me (and probably nothing will) for all the freaky shit that is going to happen to my body, brain, relationships, and my life in general. Do your research ladies, but be prepared for anything to happen. That's why I really liked Jenny McCarthy's book, Belly Laughs.
It is a short and hilarious account of what it was like FOR HER to be pregnant. It is actually one of the reasons that inspired me to write this blog. She doesn't talk about how magical it was or how happy she was. She gets down to the real nitty gritty of what being pregnant was like. Even as a celebrity, she still gained 60 lbs., got hemorrhoids, pooped on herself during pregnancy, and was completely tortured by her hormones. THAT'S what I want to read about. I know I can't prepare for every little thing during pregnancy. But at least I can start putting into my mind that I literally have no control over my body right now. And I am slowly but surely making myself OK with that. Because if I keep reading something that tells me that my hcg levels (pregnancy hormones) should be at 7,000 and I'm at 6,999, I'm going to freak myself out and not enjoy the pregnancy.
Some woman might say this is pessimistic and the books really help them. If that's the case, then good for you! I'm really glad you found something to help you along your pregnancy. But let's be honest, being pregnant sucks. I wouldn't take it back for the world, and I am super happy to make "the sacrifice." But being pregnant is no walk in the park. At only 6 weeks I have already felt fatigue like I have never felt in my life, I am in a constant state of nausea to the point where I'm starting to think someone might have actually poisoned my food 3 weeks ago, and if I didn't know any better, my chest has been replaced with that of a cow. So instead of reading what my body "should" do, I would rather read about all the things that my body MIGHT do so I'm better prepared. It can be a terrifying read (I totally got nauseous during the part where Jenny McCarthy gave birth!) but I feel so much better prepared. If you keep yourself in la-la land thinking that pregnancy is going to be full of rainbows, ponies, and cute little elves, you're probably in for one biiiiiiiiig rude awakening! I just hope you have Belly Laughs by your side when that happens.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
What's it like?
Michael: I miss the baby. You're so lucky you get to spend every waking moment with it.
Me: Yeah, it is pretty awesome.
Michael: What's it like?
Me: Well even though I constantly feel nausea and exhausted, there's something about knowing that its not caused by a sickness that's comforting. Like there's something bigger than myself just chillin in my belly.
Michael: You should write that in the blog.
Me: Ok, I will. :-)
Me: Yeah, it is pretty awesome.
Michael: What's it like?
Me: Well even though I constantly feel nausea and exhausted, there's something about knowing that its not caused by a sickness that's comforting. Like there's something bigger than myself just chillin in my belly.
Michael: You should write that in the blog.
Me: Ok, I will. :-)
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
The crazy starts to come out!
Today I popped my crazy pregnant lady cherry. And even though in hind sight it wasn't that awful, it was made worse by knowing that it all goes down hill from here sista!
It technically started last night. I started freaking out that I was having a miscarriage. Rightfully so, because I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks back in June. Not rightfully so, because my evidence was that I was so ravenous I could eat for hours (I had been experiencing huge food aversions the last few days). Not to mention that my husband and I were watching Dexter (we're only on Season 3!) and we saw the episode where Rita ends up in the hospital, worried about having a miscarriage. She ended up being just fine but I continued to convince myself that it was some kind of sign from the baby making gods that I was miscarrying.
My worry continued this morning when I felt like I had absolutely no pregnancy symptoms. The nausea, boob soreness, food aversions were completely gone. I was still feeling really fatigued, but attributed that to me being the worst morning person of all time. I kept taking deep breaths to try to calm myself down. I didn't want to rush off and pee on another pregnancy test and cause myself more hysteria. I knew that even if it showed up positive that I would find some way to convince myself that something was wrong with the test. I decided to just move on with my day and head to work.
Now, you should know, that being a New Yorker who relies on public transportation can be quite the emotional roller coaster. Homeless people, garbage, rats, people shouting into their phones, men "accidentally" grabbing you when the train is packed, no AC during summer, no heat during winter, its all just a mess that we pay too much money for. But as a pregnant woman, even at only 5 weeks, it’s a disastrous experience and has officially made me want totally ok with the idea of jumping into a diesel truck and driving my butt to work. Screw the ozone layer. I live in New York City. How much worse could I make it, really?
I didn't develop my MTA hatred immediately this morning. The moment began when I was reading my book, Belly Laughs by Jenny McCarthy (a fun read!). The whole book talks about her experience as a preggo lady and I got to the part where she begins to go into labor and give birth. The idea of my vagina ripping all the way to my ass scares the hell out of me. Reading about it didn’t make it any better. All of the sudden, my nausea kicked in. I was totally Paris Hiltoning and my body felt like I crammed a toothbrush into my throat to get my lovely egg and yogurt breakfast out ASAP.
The worst part about the nausea is that I always get crazy heat waves. So as soon as I started to get sick I got reeeaaaaly hot. And, of course, there was no AC on my train. I started to sweat profusely, like Roseanne Arnold running on a treadmill chasing a piece of chicken tied to her forehead dangling on a string. Then, to make matters worse, this older woman sitting across from me started coughing. Then, for whatever reason, the coughing turned into gagging. I immediately started to have nightmares of her vomiting all over me and me returning the favor to her and everyone else in the car.
As if the heat, nausea, and crazy lady gagging weren't enough, my preggo super powers kicked in, power snauze to the scene! All of a sudden, I could smell EVERYTHING. And NYC isn't exactly one of the best smelling places on earth. It was a unique aroma of cigarettes, cologne, and tire rubber. I was about to lose it. I had to get off that train.
I had to get off any way to transfer, and I thought it would be such a huge relief. But as soon as I broke through the crowded train onto the platform, a wave of worry hit me. It was hotter on the platform and due to the lack of air circulation, it was super muggy. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I suddenly became lightheaded, shaky, and thought I was going to puke up my baby. I crouched down, closed my eyes, and rocked myself back and forth until the next train came.
Getting on the train had about .2 seconds of relief. The AC was working (thank Baby Buddha!) and helped cool me off. The shakes were decreasing, I wasn't as lightheaded, but the nausea wasn't going anywhere. I started to panic a bit, thinking I was going to puke on the train and on people. I felt so trapped. I just closed my eyes and tried to control my breathing. One nice lady could sense something was wrong (I wasn't exactly hiding it) and offered me her seat. Now, under other circumstances, I would gladly take the seat. I have actually been super excited to get pregnant just for this particular luxury. It's a big deal when a fellow New Yorker offers their hard plastic comfort for the sake of a total stranger's well being. But for whatever reason, her offer made me hysterical. I politely rejected the seat and began to cry.
While standing, clutching the train pole with all of my might, and trying to prevent my borderline hysteria from turning into some kind of crazy, schizophrenic, murderous episode, I remembered I had some saltine crackers in my bag. So there I am, clutching on to the pole, crying my poor little barely pregnant eyes out, shoving crackers into my mouth, looking like a total psycho. I had also managed to take my hair (which I had styled for the first time in like 5 months) and pushed it back with my sunglasses to get it off my skin. I pretty much looked like Cruela DeVille going through menopause.
Another lovely New Yorker asked me if I needed help getting off the train and finding a cab. I calmly told him that I was just experiencing a crazy moment of morning sickness and that I would be fine. At that moment, my heart sank. Nobody in my family knows that I'm pregnant. Not even my closest friends. Yet, I had to spill my lil (not so lil in 9 months!) secret to a perfect stranger to reduce the risk of me looking like a complete lunatic.
I finally got off the train, went up the stairs, and took a breath of fresh air. It wasn't quite the fresh lavender meadows I was hoping for. But it was certainly better than having armpit and crotch sweat floating around my ever so sensitive nostrils.
Lesson learned: a morning sickness first aid kit is always helpful. Try to always carry crackers (or bread), ginger ale, a bottle of water, tums, and tissues (to wipe away the tears of embarrassment if all else fails).
It technically started last night. I started freaking out that I was having a miscarriage. Rightfully so, because I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks back in June. Not rightfully so, because my evidence was that I was so ravenous I could eat for hours (I had been experiencing huge food aversions the last few days). Not to mention that my husband and I were watching Dexter (we're only on Season 3!) and we saw the episode where Rita ends up in the hospital, worried about having a miscarriage. She ended up being just fine but I continued to convince myself that it was some kind of sign from the baby making gods that I was miscarrying.
My worry continued this morning when I felt like I had absolutely no pregnancy symptoms. The nausea, boob soreness, food aversions were completely gone. I was still feeling really fatigued, but attributed that to me being the worst morning person of all time. I kept taking deep breaths to try to calm myself down. I didn't want to rush off and pee on another pregnancy test and cause myself more hysteria. I knew that even if it showed up positive that I would find some way to convince myself that something was wrong with the test. I decided to just move on with my day and head to work.
Now, you should know, that being a New Yorker who relies on public transportation can be quite the emotional roller coaster. Homeless people, garbage, rats, people shouting into their phones, men "accidentally" grabbing you when the train is packed, no AC during summer, no heat during winter, its all just a mess that we pay too much money for. But as a pregnant woman, even at only 5 weeks, it’s a disastrous experience and has officially made me want totally ok with the idea of jumping into a diesel truck and driving my butt to work. Screw the ozone layer. I live in New York City. How much worse could I make it, really?
I didn't develop my MTA hatred immediately this morning. The moment began when I was reading my book, Belly Laughs by Jenny McCarthy (a fun read!). The whole book talks about her experience as a preggo lady and I got to the part where she begins to go into labor and give birth. The idea of my vagina ripping all the way to my ass scares the hell out of me. Reading about it didn’t make it any better. All of the sudden, my nausea kicked in. I was totally Paris Hiltoning and my body felt like I crammed a toothbrush into my throat to get my lovely egg and yogurt breakfast out ASAP.
The worst part about the nausea is that I always get crazy heat waves. So as soon as I started to get sick I got reeeaaaaly hot. And, of course, there was no AC on my train. I started to sweat profusely, like Roseanne Arnold running on a treadmill chasing a piece of chicken tied to her forehead dangling on a string. Then, to make matters worse, this older woman sitting across from me started coughing. Then, for whatever reason, the coughing turned into gagging. I immediately started to have nightmares of her vomiting all over me and me returning the favor to her and everyone else in the car.
As if the heat, nausea, and crazy lady gagging weren't enough, my preggo super powers kicked in, power snauze to the scene! All of a sudden, I could smell EVERYTHING. And NYC isn't exactly one of the best smelling places on earth. It was a unique aroma of cigarettes, cologne, and tire rubber. I was about to lose it. I had to get off that train.
I had to get off any way to transfer, and I thought it would be such a huge relief. But as soon as I broke through the crowded train onto the platform, a wave of worry hit me. It was hotter on the platform and due to the lack of air circulation, it was super muggy. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I suddenly became lightheaded, shaky, and thought I was going to puke up my baby. I crouched down, closed my eyes, and rocked myself back and forth until the next train came.
Getting on the train had about .2 seconds of relief. The AC was working (thank Baby Buddha!) and helped cool me off. The shakes were decreasing, I wasn't as lightheaded, but the nausea wasn't going anywhere. I started to panic a bit, thinking I was going to puke on the train and on people. I felt so trapped. I just closed my eyes and tried to control my breathing. One nice lady could sense something was wrong (I wasn't exactly hiding it) and offered me her seat. Now, under other circumstances, I would gladly take the seat. I have actually been super excited to get pregnant just for this particular luxury. It's a big deal when a fellow New Yorker offers their hard plastic comfort for the sake of a total stranger's well being. But for whatever reason, her offer made me hysterical. I politely rejected the seat and began to cry.
While standing, clutching the train pole with all of my might, and trying to prevent my borderline hysteria from turning into some kind of crazy, schizophrenic, murderous episode, I remembered I had some saltine crackers in my bag. So there I am, clutching on to the pole, crying my poor little barely pregnant eyes out, shoving crackers into my mouth, looking like a total psycho. I had also managed to take my hair (which I had styled for the first time in like 5 months) and pushed it back with my sunglasses to get it off my skin. I pretty much looked like Cruela DeVille going through menopause.
Another lovely New Yorker asked me if I needed help getting off the train and finding a cab. I calmly told him that I was just experiencing a crazy moment of morning sickness and that I would be fine. At that moment, my heart sank. Nobody in my family knows that I'm pregnant. Not even my closest friends. Yet, I had to spill my lil (not so lil in 9 months!) secret to a perfect stranger to reduce the risk of me looking like a complete lunatic.
I finally got off the train, went up the stairs, and took a breath of fresh air. It wasn't quite the fresh lavender meadows I was hoping for. But it was certainly better than having armpit and crotch sweat floating around my ever so sensitive nostrils.
Lesson learned: a morning sickness first aid kit is always helpful. Try to always carry crackers (or bread), ginger ale, a bottle of water, tums, and tissues (to wipe away the tears of embarrassment if all else fails).
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