Today I popped my crazy pregnant lady cherry. And even though in hind sight it wasn't that awful, it was made worse by knowing that it all goes down hill from here sista!
It technically started last night. I started freaking out that I was having a miscarriage. Rightfully so, because I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks back in June. Not rightfully so, because my evidence was that I was so ravenous I could eat for hours (I had been experiencing huge food aversions the last few days). Not to mention that my husband and I were watching Dexter (we're only on Season 3!) and we saw the episode where Rita ends up in the hospital, worried about having a miscarriage. She ended up being just fine but I continued to convince myself that it was some kind of sign from the baby making gods that I was miscarrying.
My worry continued this morning when I felt like I had absolutely no pregnancy symptoms. The nausea, boob soreness, food aversions were completely gone. I was still feeling really fatigued, but attributed that to me being the worst morning person of all time. I kept taking deep breaths to try to calm myself down. I didn't want to rush off and pee on another pregnancy test and cause myself more hysteria. I knew that even if it showed up positive that I would find some way to convince myself that something was wrong with the test. I decided to just move on with my day and head to work.
Now, you should know, that being a New Yorker who relies on public transportation can be quite the emotional roller coaster. Homeless people, garbage, rats, people shouting into their phones, men "accidentally" grabbing you when the train is packed, no AC during summer, no heat during winter, its all just a mess that we pay too much money for. But as a pregnant woman, even at only 5 weeks, it’s a disastrous experience and has officially made me want totally ok with the idea of jumping into a diesel truck and driving my butt to work. Screw the ozone layer. I live in New York City. How much worse could I make it, really?
I didn't develop my MTA hatred immediately this morning. The moment began when I was reading my book, Belly Laughs by Jenny McCarthy (a fun read!). The whole book talks about her experience as a preggo lady and I got to the part where she begins to go into labor and give birth. The idea of my vagina ripping all the way to my ass scares the hell out of me. Reading about it didn’t make it any better. All of the sudden, my nausea kicked in. I was totally Paris Hiltoning and my body felt like I crammed a toothbrush into my throat to get my lovely egg and yogurt breakfast out ASAP.
The worst part about the nausea is that I always get crazy heat waves. So as soon as I started to get sick I got reeeaaaaly hot. And, of course, there was no AC on my train. I started to sweat profusely, like Roseanne Arnold running on a treadmill chasing a piece of chicken tied to her forehead dangling on a string. Then, to make matters worse, this older woman sitting across from me started coughing. Then, for whatever reason, the coughing turned into gagging. I immediately started to have nightmares of her vomiting all over me and me returning the favor to her and everyone else in the car.
As if the heat, nausea, and crazy lady gagging weren't enough, my preggo super powers kicked in, power snauze to the scene! All of a sudden, I could smell EVERYTHING. And NYC isn't exactly one of the best smelling places on earth. It was a unique aroma of cigarettes, cologne, and tire rubber. I was about to lose it. I had to get off that train.
I had to get off any way to transfer, and I thought it would be such a huge relief. But as soon as I broke through the crowded train onto the platform, a wave of worry hit me. It was hotter on the platform and due to the lack of air circulation, it was super muggy. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I suddenly became lightheaded, shaky, and thought I was going to puke up my baby. I crouched down, closed my eyes, and rocked myself back and forth until the next train came.
Getting on the train had about .2 seconds of relief. The AC was working (thank Baby Buddha!) and helped cool me off. The shakes were decreasing, I wasn't as lightheaded, but the nausea wasn't going anywhere. I started to panic a bit, thinking I was going to puke on the train and on people. I felt so trapped. I just closed my eyes and tried to control my breathing. One nice lady could sense something was wrong (I wasn't exactly hiding it) and offered me her seat. Now, under other circumstances, I would gladly take the seat. I have actually been super excited to get pregnant just for this particular luxury. It's a big deal when a fellow New Yorker offers their hard plastic comfort for the sake of a total stranger's well being. But for whatever reason, her offer made me hysterical. I politely rejected the seat and began to cry.
While standing, clutching the train pole with all of my might, and trying to prevent my borderline hysteria from turning into some kind of crazy, schizophrenic, murderous episode, I remembered I had some saltine crackers in my bag. So there I am, clutching on to the pole, crying my poor little barely pregnant eyes out, shoving crackers into my mouth, looking like a total psycho. I had also managed to take my hair (which I had styled for the first time in like 5 months) and pushed it back with my sunglasses to get it off my skin. I pretty much looked like Cruela DeVille going through menopause.
Another lovely New Yorker asked me if I needed help getting off the train and finding a cab. I calmly told him that I was just experiencing a crazy moment of morning sickness and that I would be fine. At that moment, my heart sank. Nobody in my family knows that I'm pregnant. Not even my closest friends. Yet, I had to spill my lil (not so lil in 9 months!) secret to a perfect stranger to reduce the risk of me looking like a complete lunatic.
I finally got off the train, went up the stairs, and took a breath of fresh air. It wasn't quite the fresh lavender meadows I was hoping for. But it was certainly better than having armpit and crotch sweat floating around my ever so sensitive nostrils.
Lesson learned: a morning sickness first aid kit is always helpful. Try to always carry crackers (or bread), ginger ale, a bottle of water, tums, and tissues (to wipe away the tears of embarrassment if all else fails).
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